Life is for living, not just existing.

Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m living my life, just surviving it and I feel like I’m wasting my youth away. 5/7 days in my week are me just focusing on school and trying to finish all of my homework and study for my tests. Oh, but it doesn’t end there because nearly half of my weekend is taken up by school as well. Don’t get me wrong, I love learning and the reading about new things but there are days when I want to sit outside and relax in the sun and not think about things like grades and school anymore.

Other teenagers are probably out and about, hanging out and letting loose. And it makes me sad because while they are out having fun, I’m holed up in my room reading about the Russian Revolution and the origins of radiation. I mean, I’m focused on my future and I’m trying to get good grades so that I can get into a good college in order to have a good career but I just want to have some fun sometimes. Obviously theres nothing wrong with being goal oriented but I feel like sometimes, it’s imperative to just forget about what you have to do and do what you want to do. And maybe that’s a little selfish and foolish but I think its worth it in the long run because your mental health will always be more important than your grades and it’s really not healthy at all to study all day and all night every single day. Everyone has their own limitations and it doesn’t hurt to take a day off every once in a while, granted that you don’t take advantage of your freedom and become a lazy person.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m wasting my time waiting to be happy. Someone once said, “People wait all week for friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness.” And that’s so true because I’m counting on being happy in the future, not being happy in the present. I just feel like I’m wasting my life away doing things that I’m supposed to be doing but not doing the things that I want to be doing. And it’s like time is just slipping right between my fingertips and I don’t have any profound memories of me doing something fun and absolutely reckless, which sounds dumb but my excuse is that I’m young and I just want to feel free. Honestly I think that taking a break to explore life and just explore the things that you like once a week or even once a month is more than enough.

“It’s sad to think that the majority of my teenage years were spent trying to survive rather than actually living“

Well that’s it for today! Thanks for reading my long rant and see you all next week!